Sunday, November 20, 2011


Snow makes me panicky, as it turns out. I've never lost anyone to weather, but I remember terrible days with terrible weather. I remember losing someone I loved. And I remember the blizzard that collapsed the metrodome on the day I said goodbye. So the freshly fallen snow-turned-ice makes me rather anxious, especially when I know all my loved ones are out driving in it. It's supposed to warm up again this week. Hopefully by the next time it snows, I can relax a little, knowing we've all had a weekend to get used to it already. Hopefully. Because I can't imagine having to spend an entire winter as anxious and tense as I've been this weekend.

I did have some fun, though. This evening, eleven of us gathered at a friend's house for Friendsgiving - a pre-Thanksgiving turkey dinner with friends. There was good food, great company, wine, and a toddler to keep things interesting. A lot of laughter, way too much food, a plethora of desserts...a delightful Sunday evening. The kind of fun that words can't properly express.

Is it strange that it was held at my ex-fiance's house? The one he shares with his girlfriend? Is it strange that all three of the males in attendance were supposed to have been in my wedding? Or is it strange that it's not really strange for me at all? A few of these people I've known for years; some of them I've just recently gotten to know. And you know what? I really like them. These girls are hilarious, this toddler is adorable, and this group is fun. Maybe it's strange at times, when someone makes a comment that yanks me back to a similar setting with very different circumstances from 5 years ago. Maybe it's a little weird, knowing how dangerously close I came to being the co-host of this party instead of a guest.

But those strange moments just serve to remind me that life does indeed go on. I never would have imagined this, what my life has become. I never would have imagined that I'd be able to go to their house and enjoy the time I spent there. Three years ago, I wouldn't have believed how glad I am to not be with him anymore. Ten months ago, I couldn't have imagined who I'd be with or how happy he makes me, or even that I could be this happy again.

I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say here. I'm too tired to bring this rambling reflection to a tidy conclusion. is funny, and precious, and fragile. And pretty damn amazing.

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