Thursday, February 5, 2009

A sampling of my thoughts on a typical work day:

No, I'm sorry, I do not have a garbage on my tiny cart. Isn't it impressive enough that I can fit enough soda and juice to quench the thirst of an entire plane full of people, not to mention a couple bottles of water, coffee, an assortment of cream and sugar, snacks, napkins, cups, and ice? I'll come back through to get your cup in a few minutes.

How important are you that you can't stand to be away from your laptop for our TWENTY-FIVE minute flight? The flight deck never chimed me, which means we never reached an altitude where it was safe for you to be using it anyway, which means I never even made the announcement telling you you could turn it on in the first place. So kindly turn it the fuck off. Oh you're saving? That's fine, I understand. Oh yeah, my computer is slow too. But uh... I told you this was a 25 minute flight. Why even turn it on if you know it's so slow?

Oh yay! I much prefer hotels with hangers with abnormally small hooks to hotels with those stupid non-hangers, designed not so much to be useful as to be unstealable. I hate those things. The metal is always old and makes my teeth hurt. Hooray for tiny-headed hangers!

I don't get why they don't just leave the luggage rack set up. I'd really like to know the reason behind putting it away. I'd be much more likely to use it (as opposed to simply putting my dirty, beat-up roller bag on the extra bed) if it were just there, waiting for me in all its wobbly glory.

Seriously, why do I always get the Flintstones theme in my head before take-off? It makes no sense.

Wow, I'm angry a lot, aren't I? I'm actually probably the smileyest flight attendant you've ever had. I keep the anger and general incredulity in my head only.

I think I would've made a good actress.

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