Lacking in words.

I am not a dirty person, but I am messy. My apartment is decidedly NOT company ready at any given time. I'm a pack rat. My life, my shelves, my rooms are cluttered. And yet, despite this, I am something of a perfectionist.

I have started countless posts. I compose them in my head constantly, but I have finished none of them. They're not good enough, or the two things I want to talk about don't tie together well enough, but they're not random enough to be posted as tidbits. So I post nothing.

I mean, what right do I have to blog, anyway?

I don't have the words. I have a multitude of words to express my grief, my misery, my boredom. But to tell you of my happiness? To tell you how well everything is going? To tell you how much I love my job, my apartment, my boyfriend?

Apparently, I just don't have the words for that.

Irrational fear #8: Conquered.

Tonight I had the opportunity to go to a reading/signing by Deborah Harkness, author of A Discovery of Witches. An old friend of mine recommended it to me back in March, and I finally picked it up last week. I finished it on Monday, and then immediately had to look up when the sequel is due out (my birthday, as it turns out!). I also discovered that Harkness would be in Woodbury on Wednesday, January 18th.

Obviously, I needed to go to that.


We had an offsite work party today, to recognize another fantastic year in Creative. We went to Sergeant Pepper's Grille and Bar, where we ate a lot of food, won some prizes, and had some drinks. I won 2 hours off! (The fact that I currently have 3 hours to work off due to being sick this week is irrelevant...woo winning things!) It was a good time, and I was reminded again how much I truly like (most of) my coworkers.

As I was driving home, it started to snow. By the time I got home, I was so overcome with fear of driving in the snow at night that I decided I didn't want to go back out to go to the reading. Jess didn't really care either way, as she was only going because I was forcing her anyway, so she was fine with that.

Here I sat, on my computer on the couch, getting slightly crankier by the second. I stood up, and I said, No. Fuck it. Let's go. Get up, we're doing this, I want to go see Deborah Harkness!

We got up, we got Jess some tea and a cheeseburger, and away we went.

Fear #8: Crippling fear of driving in the snow at any time of day but particularly at night: Conquered.

For tonight, at least.