Dear friend

When I finish a book, I get what a high school friend of mine and I refer to as a "book high." It becomes my favorite book, and I want everyone I know to read it and share it and love it like I do.

I just finished re-reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky.

It's funny how much your place in the world can change a book. I loved it in college, and I loved it this week as I read it, but it was an entirely different book each time. I feel like it's a very quotable book, and I want to tweet/blog/whatever all sorts of bits from it, but then I'm afraid they'll be less perfect out of context. This one, though, I've always loved:

So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.



I finally started to attempt to clean my room tonight, make it nice again, and in the process I discovered one of the reasons I've been putting it off: Eric is everywhere. Movie stubs, receipts from Beirut and The Source, a map to his brother's wedding with a handwritten note, my hastily-created anniversary card. And that's not even including the chair full of things I brought home from his apartment, the box of things so important I took them pretty much as soon as I could but now can't bear to look through.

Some days are great. Some days I just cry. Some days, like today, are mysterious combinations thereof.



Ha! You're going to think I'm lying, but as I was sitting here, looking at this post, wondering what last sentence I should throw in here, Ingrid Michaelson's Be OK came on mypod.

Thanks, universe.

Apples to Oranges

I've always preferred oranges to apples and apple juice to orange juice.

Unless, of course, there's vodka involved.

Songs and notes.

Sometimes I think my ipod mocks me. Sometimes it tries to console me. Sometimes it knows just which songs to play for me to sing along to, happy or sad.

I've begun to think of T Sweezy's song "Back to December" as being from Eric. I was out running errands one day, and every time I got into my car, this song was on. And mypod wasn't even involved! It makes me feel better to believe that he regrets it, that he'd go back to December and change his own mind, if he could.

Ingrid Michaelson's "Be OK" came on in my car one day. It's a song I got from Alex one day when I took many songs from his computer. I love Ingrid, but had never heard this song in particular before. It was so upbeat and happy, and I fell in love immediately. I put it on repeat for the rest of my drive home. It's become something of an anthem for me. I'd put some lyrics here, but it's just not the same without her and the music. So, here - go listen to this.

And here's the thing: I do know that I will be OK, no maybe about it.


Other noteworthy items:

- I begin training for my new job in the morning! I will be the best-dressed bank teller you ever did see. Have I mentioned how excited I am to never have to wear my FA uniform again? Or how equally excited I am for blouses and sweater vests and dress pants? VERY. EXCITED.

- We had a few days of spring, and the sun came out and melted our snow mountains, and now we're in the midst of a winter storm. Oh, February. Thanks for dumping snow everywhere just as I have to navigate my way to a new job downtown. Much appreciated.

- I went out with a big group on Friday to celebrate a good friend's birthday. We drank, we sang along loudly at the piano bar, we put her on stage, we drank more, and we danced up a storm at the 90s. I felt sexy and confident in my little black sheath dress. It was just what I needed. And then it got more interesting: I let a tall, charming ginger buy me a drink. Now I'm that girl, waiting for him to call.... Except, if I'm waiting too long, I have his number, too. And, guys? I think I might use it.


Life is weird, but it goes on.