Five sure signs it's almost that time of month.

One: My boobs will be ginormous one day. I will definitely notice, and probably spend some time ogling myself in a mirror.

Two: One day, nothing will fit right. My pants will be too tight, my stomach will be visible in every shirt I try to wear. I will feel gross, and think to myself again how I really should start to work out. I will not make the connection until a couple days later.

Three: I will be super horny.

Four: I will have a LOT of extra road rage. A LOT. And I can have quite a bit to begin with.

Five: I will have a lot of extra rage in general, but mostly directed at my mother. By this time, I've usually figured out what's going on, and I feel guilty about the anger. But knowing doesn't actually make me not angry.

You'd think I'd just know to expect these things when I reach my sugar pills every month, but sadly, you would be wrong. Will I ever learn?